Are we okay Carter?
by LAIsobel
Summary: Let's go back to the beginning. SG-1 is finding their new dynamics, friendships are born and rules are bending. After few missions Jack knew he needed to have a little chat with his 2IC. He just really didn't want to. Sam/Jack set after The First Commandement. Rating to be sure.
1. Something wrong

**A/N** KathaGER this is for you. Thank you for the support.

Hey folks, I am back. Kind of. Still struggling with time but I needed to write something. Desperately. And so I thought that maybeee little fic would help. Sorry for disappearing but the last well 15 moths were horrible. Almost losing my mother to acute leukemia, finding out I was pregnant just few days after she almost lost her fight, having some issues during the pregnancy, then my baby girl had complications after being born (thankfully it was not her heart but allergy to the cow's milk protein meaning very specific strict diet for me as this time I am breastfeeding) as well as I did after the C Section and as a cherry on the top of the cake - not even two months after giving birth my partner almost died in my arms due to ruptured aneurism nearby his spleen. Spending weeks at my parents place, visiting him in the ICU, then finding a way how to juggle everything once he was home... not so easy time...

 **Timeline** \- set after The First Commandement

Having no beta means all mistakes and typos are mine. I haven't used English in a very very long time... so let me know if you find something to correct!

This will be probably four chapters long. Sam/Jack of course.

* * *

Something was wrong. Something was very very wrong. Jack knew it. And sitting in his office, fingers tapping on the top of his desk, he was well aware of the fact that should it be about one of his men he would just go and take the guy out for a beer and darts to talk to him or to at least give him the window of opportunity to talk. BUT. But this was not about one of his men. This was about one particular woman. And he could no longer pretend nothing was happening. Well one part of him gladly would but Daniel and Teal'c wouldn't let him.

He would give anything for Sam being a man. Man in troubles after hard mission? That he could deal with. But a woman? Not so much. And yeah, should she hear him thinking like that she would kick his ass.

This morning Daniel came to him worried. He found him in the mess hall eating cake. It was Tuesday after all and on Tuesdays there was cake. He sat down in front of him with cup of coffee.

"Hey Jack!"

"Hey Daniel..."

And that was it. Then came silence. Daniel waited and waited but Jack did pretty well ignoring him. Jack knew that Daniel would tell him eventually what this was about. And soon...

"Have you seen Sam lately?"

"Carter?"

"Yes, Jack, Sam Carter. Have you seen her?"

"Nope, she's probably working on something in her lab." That got Daniel's attention. Jack also noticed the change in the air and looked up.

"Jack, Sam took some personal leave two days ago."

"What?"

"I know! It's strange... she barely left her lab in two weeks and then all of a sudden she left and no one has heard about her ever since."

"That's probably why it's called personal leave."

"Jack..." And there was warning in Daniel's tone.

"What do you want from me, Daniel?"

"I don't know, just ..."

"Just what?"

"I'm just worried about her. I mean..." And Daniel couldn't even finish. Jack looked at him and knew Daniel was right. But he honestly didn't even want to think about it...

The sound of Gate claxon stopped his line of thought.

And now he was sitting in his office and the conversation with Daniel kept on bugging him. Daniel couldn't have known what this whole thing meant for Jack. He had been in these situations before quite a few times. And it has taught him a few things. First, in this line of work it was better not to make friends. Second, if it happened and you actually made a friend then you would hurt badly. Always. He knew he had already broken his own first rule several times but being in the Black Ops required this sort of bond between men, well, sometimes. And mostly his second point had proved to be valid. It hurt.

Here it was similar. Working on Secret Base, travelling to other planets, never knowing if they were coming back through... He had to rely on his people as well as they had to rely on him. Absolute trust. Only that could help them accomplish their ultimate mission – saving Earth. Well except for the travelling to other planets part it was basically the same he had lived before. And yet it was different here. Here it was more personal.

He knew very well he felt responsibility for Daniel and his family. And it became something more. Daniel was like his younger brother. He cared for him in a way that was surprising even to himself.

His friendship with Teal'c was... well it was... damn he couldn't describe what it was. It was unique and silent and powerful. True.

He knew that some other team leaders felt the same – as some of those were the few of his friends truly knowing his past – and they had a few beers few couple of weeks ago. He wasn't the one to talk about his feelings and worries but just from the way those men talked about their teams they all could sense the change.

But there were only few women on the base. Except for nurses and kitchen staff, Carter had few female technicians and he could probably count the female members of SG teams on his fingers. It was uncharted territory.

He was the 2IC of the whole base. He was the team leader of flagship team. He was the one to set examples. He was the one to show them how things are done. And he was damn lost! How was he supposed to deal with this...?

The last two times he tried were... well how to put it? Well he tried and he didn't exactly fail but the way those last two times happened was so so so wrong. It could never happen again.

And here he was knowing he should go and try to talk to Carter and one part of him wanted to – the part that believed they were becoming friends and he was scared to admit it even to himself, but the other part wasn't so sure about this being a good idea. Perhaps Daniel could go and talk to her. Oh, well he knew that it would not turn out so well. Sam didn't need Daniel to tell her how things will be fine and that she was a good person and that she did everything right. No, she needed something else and he knew what it was. He just didn't trust his ability to make this right.

But his gut was telling him one thing – Samantha Carter was special. She was more than that. She was a person he could admire. She was someone whose friendship he would value. She was a person he could trust implicitly. He knew that. And should she be a man... he was back in the beginning. She was not a man. She was a woman. And he knew he would have to come to terms with the fact that it was not a bad thing in this case.

So, taking his jacket and car keys he left the base. He knew it was a bad idea, really, he knew. But if he wanted to make this team work he needed her. She was the key puzzle piece to hold them all together and functional. He had already figured that much. He only hoped this time it would go better than the last two times.

He drove over to her place. Her car was parked in front of the house. So gathering up his courage he went there and knocked. Then he rang the bell. And nothing. He tried looking into her windows but apparently she wasn't at home. And he probably should have just go back to his car and leave but Jack O'Neill was many things, coward was not one of them. So he waited for her to return home.


	2. Woman on the team

**A/N** \- so THANK YOU for the reviews. Here is the next chapter - actually a lot more difficult to write than I thought it would be! I haven't written them in this timeline for a very long time... Hope you will be satisfied. Next one will be more T rated, wanna guess after what mission? ;o)

Jack heard a car passing by so he looked up. Then he realized that Carter's car was parked nearby so she was probably taking a walk or something. He of course heard the rumours that she had a motorcycle – well that she was more or less building one. But so far he didn't know if that piece of gossip was valid or not. Time will tell. That would yet another interesting part of her personality.

He got back to his previous thoughts. Sam was such a complex person. He could use some manual about handling work related issues with super talented attractive women with IQ over the charts.

When he tried to talk to her for the first time, it was after the not so well done mission on planet their inhabitants called Simarka. He should have done better. He should have acted differently.

And after the mission he shouldn't have tried to talk to her at all!

The team got back from Simarka and passed their medical check-up as well as the first briefing. Jack could remember that he wasn't all that happy with all the outcomes. But they have gotten home safely and with some possible valuable information about healing herb of whatever it was. What concerned him was Captain Carter. She somehow forgot to mention that she had been beaten and whipped while being held captive. And those blows she got while fighting Thurgan didn't help much. She was okay but the doc ordered her to stay on Earth for a week with the follow-up examinations of her wounds. She wasn't happy.

Jack wanted to go and see if she was really okay but when he finally dragged his legs to her lab he could already hear Daniel talking to her, apologizing for letting her be alone in that tent, unarmed. Jack didn't need to hear what Teal'c had on his heart, he was sure it was along the same lines.

He turned around and left. Everything was okay. No need to add more.

But in a week when Sam got the permission to go back to active Gate travel duty, he noticed the change. It took him few hours of their next mission before he realized that everything certainly was not okay.

Sam was different. Something changed. She kept her distance and she tried to reduce their conversation to yes, sir and no, sir. Well partially it was okay with him because she was just a young idealistic scientist, she was a kid in the candy store, she was a woman on the front line team which just shouldn't have happened.

But it did and he had to accept the fact that she did fight for her life and won.

He owed her an apology about letting those people dress her up in the blue dress and about leaving her without her sidearm to protect herself. He shouldn't have allowed it.

Before he could figure out what to do Daniel noticed some ruins on the nearby hill. So Teal'c volunteered that he would accompany him there while Jack and Sam would check the perimeter and find a place where to set up a camp.

Once they were alone, walking side to side, Jack knew he had to start this conversation.

"So, will you finally tell me what is wrong, Carter?" He asked and hoped he didn't sound like annoyed CO at that moment.

Sam looked at him and said her 'nothing, sir' in such a hurry that anyone would see it was way too fast.

"Come on, talk to me," he added.

"Is that an order, Sir? She asked back.

"No, of course not, you don't have to talk to me if you don't want to." He said and meant it. He wouldn't force her.

"Great." She said and continued walking. Jack understood that this was not going to be easy. After another twenty minutes of rather brisk walk and radio call from Daniel Jack couldn't take it anymore.

"Carter, stop." And so she did. "I get it you're upset but I need you to talk to me."

"No, sir. What you need is to hear everything is just okay." She replied with a hint of bitterness in her tone. Adrenalin was running through her veins, she so didn't want to have this talk.

Sam knew she was in troubles. She knew how to be a good soldier. She knew how to do her job. But working like this wasn't what she had imagined. She kept on walking trying to leave everything behind her but Jack had other plans. Before he had a chance to change his mind he grabbed her shoulder to turn her around so he could see her face.

"Look, I know you're upset about the last mission and I am sorry."

"You're sorry for what exactly, Sir?" She asked. Well more like snapped at him.

"I shouldn't have left you with no means of defence." Jack said and in that very moment understood that this was not the thing.

"Carter... I'm really trying here." And he could see she's just had enough.

"No, Sir. You just need to have a clear conscience about this. But the truth is that you let them dress me into that blue thing and then you made jokes about it. I get it why I had to wear that dress but your behaviour? How could you? You left to have a party and thought it would be best to leave me unarmed deep within possible enemy territory. You did that just because I am a woman."

"That's not right, Carter."

"No? Would you let any other team member be in that position? Would you leave Daniel like this? Would you treat me differently if I were a man?"

And he wanted to say yes that he would. And so he hesitated. Sam on the other hand gathered up all her courage.

"You're doing all you can to make me leave the team, aren't you, Sir?"

"Why would I do that Carter? Because they forced me to have you on my team?"

"They forced you to have me as a team member. And you don't like it. But they won't let you move me to another team. Not unless I ask for it. Because you know, Sir, I was not assigned to you. I chose to be on your team."

And that caught him off guard. That little piece of information he didn't know about. She had chosen to be on his team.

"I thought that someone with your reputation would be the best team leader I could hope for, that you would have a lot to teach me, to show me. I thought..."

"You thought what, Carter?" He asked her rather gently now.

"That it was a privilege to be on your team."

Jack could hear her saying that and yet in his head it didn't make any sense. Had she idealized him? Did she see something he couldn't?

He didn't fail to notice that she kept her hands on her gun and stood in a way from which she had a good view around them. She was a good soldier even while dealing with something like this. And having this kind of talk with her CO had to be difficult. Also he noticed she used past tense.

"And you don't think so anymore, Carter?"

"Sir..." And she didn't finish. What surprised him was that it hurt him a bit.

"Okay, you're right. I didn't want you on the team."

"Thank you for being honest, Sir." She said and turned around wanting to leave. But in a second she turned back and asked him "Sir, do you want me off the team?"

She was just waiting for the blow to come. She wanted him to tell her.

Jack on the other hand wasn't really sure what to do. In his mind he could see the scene. He would say yes. She would ask why. He would say because I can't afford to lose my mind. She would ask why would he. And he would tell her that she had stirred something deep within him he thought long gone. His gut was telling him that having her close would end up badly for him. And yet there was something about her he couldn't ignore and deny. She had huge potential. And he could probably be one of few people able to help her climb up the ladder. He could really teach her a lot of things.

"No, Sam, I want you to stay on my team." He said instead and used her given name.

"Then why, sir?" She asked desperately wanting to understand.

"I have never had a woman on my team before. I have worked with women but not on the front line." He confessed.

"Is that a bad thing, Sir?"

"I thought so."

"What changed your mind?"

"You did."

"How, Sir?"

"The way you can handle whatever comes your way... But even so, you are a woman, Carter." He stated calmly and Sam would swear his brown eyes were suddenly very warm.

"But I don't need any favours or special care, Sir." She tried to defend her position. "I don't need anyone to think I'm sleeping my way up the ladder or getting special favours, Sir."

Jack decided to let that part be – for now. He had to think first.

"Carter, there will be planets like Simarka and there it would mean different conditions for you. And if you want to do this job you need to accept that. And you also have to accept that seeing you as a woman doesn't mean I think any less of you."

Then there came silence. Jack was looking at her for a moment; he could swear he could hear the wheels in her head turning. In a moment she nodded and turned and continued her walk like this conversation never happened.

Jack was watching her for a moment but then fell into step right next to her.

"Carter, what you said earlier... is that the reason you never really loosen up?"

"What do you mean, Sir?"

"I mean that sometimes you laugh at my lame jokes or smile with Daniel over something you find. It's different from the usual all-by-the-book posture you have."

"Sir?" She really wasn't comfortable with this conversation anymore.

"Have you been accused of - as how you put it - sleeping your way up the ladder?"

"Yes, Sir."

"So you actually had to deal with men thinking that you being smart and attractive meant you would use that for your advantage." And it was not a question.

"I had to prove myself many times over because I am a woman and when I go with others for a beer or to play pool there is always someone to say I'm doing it because of... well you know, Sir. I worked really hard to be here and I didn't want you to..."

"Didn't want me to what?"

"I didn't want you to see me as a liability." She said and suddenly found the ground very interesting. And he did something he shouldn't have. Putting his finger under her chin he made her look up.

"I see a lot of things in you, Sam. By all means you are not a liability."

Time passed them by. Then she just nodded and they got back on track and in another few minutes she caught the Colonel smiling.

"So beer and pool, huh?" He asked with a smirk. And before she could have some remark he added "You're full of surprises, Carter..." And smiled at her in a way that left her speechless.

Now Jack was sitting in front of her house and knew that back then he did the right thing. It was a good thing to have her on his team. But he also knew that he should have listened to his primal instincts and told her to leave the team. It was a battle deep in him and neither side could win.

He just had to come to terms with the new way his life would be – with a woman on his team. And anthropologist. And alien. Hell!

He was afraid he was right about one more thing – that having her on his team would lead to him being hurt. Badly. Because after coming back the team went out for a beer and to play pool and darts and he tried and tried but couldn't beat her. He was almost sure she let him win few times. She was good. Very very good.

It's been very long since the last time he had someone whose trust and friendship would mean so much to him, it was strange but not unwelcomed. But it was more. He felt strange sense of protectiveness... and something else – responsibility. He knew that he was part of this circus to find Sha'Re and Skaara but now he felt like there was more to it. And it seemed like his life could have a purpose again.


	3. Dirty little secret

Knowing anyone could anytime see him there Jack started to feel a bit awkward. She was his Second and there was a certain line he couldn't and shouldn't cross. But more and more when the matter concerned Carter he seemed to be forgetting that he should not be getting close to any of his people because then he would find himself in a difficult position should it come to some very hard decisions – and in his line of work he knew those decisions would come – it was not about if they would come but when. And he needed to be able to trust his own judgement.

Well as he has realized this base was a different environment. They all believed that 'nobody stays behind' isn't just a stupid line. They actually took that as a code of honour or something. Here nobody stayed behind. The teams had different dynamics. Even General Hammond was not exactly the book example of a base commander detached from all. Nope, he was all in.

So allowing himself to find friendship among all that weird stuff happening in his life recently couldn't be so bad. Jack knew that this team was becoming more to him than any other. He could feel it. They were getting better and better in reading each other – just Daniel was clueless on the military ground – but he had other qualities.

Jack knew he had begun to care. And it felt like a good thing this time.

And after the little chat he had with Carter about her position on the team and how she had to feel he swore to himself that he would not go back to his old self. Nope, this team, these people could make him be a better man. And it was worth a little risk.

On in his case dirty little secret.

He knew that trying to talk to his people after hard missions was a bad idea. Mostly they would only go to O'Malley's and have a beer and steak and just let it all go. But there was this stupid situation causing him restless nights and he knew he would have to deal with it. For his own sake.

Few weeks ago he woke up in the isolation room feeling like being hit by a truck and rolled over. It took him some time to get his whereabouts but soon it all became clear. Fraiser's treatment worked and Jack was cured from that stupid disease causing him to feel and act like some Neanderthal.

After they got everyone home safely he had to take a shower. And then another one. And one more. Cold showers. Damn it! He hadn't needed those in ages!

He went to apologize to Daniel for trying to kill him in the Control room but Daniel didn't remember anything. Jack was pretty grateful for that. He didn't know how to explain it anyway. Something took over and he said things he shouldn't have. He was also a bit confused why he had to remember and some people clearly didn't have the same problem. That just wasn't fair!

In two days the base got back into work, some people were a bit cautious around others but more or less everything was back to normal.

Safe for Carter. Before they went to the planet to get Daniel back and cure all others they haven't spoken a single word. And it bothered him. A lot. That was not how he wanted things. But he had to let it go – there were more pressing matters to attend and if she felt even a little as he did then she was probably mortified about jumping him the way she did. If she remembered – but his gut was telling him that she did.

They went to that planet and got Daniel, they waited all those hours for him to wake up. And still not a word. And he couldn't really take it anymore. But he knew that this kind of talk would have to wait. They at least managed the necessary work-related conversation to keep things running smoothly.

On their way back she surprised him. She tried to apologize to him. Apparently she couldn't take it anymore either. Also it meant she remembered it all as well. She wanted to say something. And he clearly hadn't been himself because after telling her he couldn't remember anything he let her know that it had been a lie. He remembered.

Damned! Of course that all his rational sides knew that this was just a primal response to what had occurred but there was something in him trying to stop him from moving on. All he needed was to close his eyes and he could feel her body pressed into his, her mouth on his, the heat of her skin, her hot breath on his skin, her nails softly and not-so-softly digging into his scalp and muscles. He knew that back there in that locker room he was one step from breaking all the rules. Should she have come a bit later he wouldn't have been in control at all.

But thankfully for them he had some self-control left. So he stopped her. Oh, he slipped a bit and admitted that he had wanted her ...but he hoped she didn't remember that part.

Jack knew that it was the most idiotic thing ever – but having Carter pressed to him like that made him feel things he hadn't felt in a very long time. This urge to possess her, to have her, to mark her. He wanted everyone know she was not on the market anymore. It was frustrating because those thoughts were not his – they were caused by the disease. As later on proved by his reaction to Daniel.

So when she tried to apologize something in him made him acknowledge the fact that he also remembered the incident. Vividly.

Jack missed the smile on her face after his little innocent remark about what she had been wearing back then.

Sam knew it was bad. She had come to that locker room intending to seduce her CO. Well and it was not some romantic thing. No, she was in for something voracious, for something raw and pure. She wanted him, she needed him, he was the alpha male. But there more of those on the base. No, there was more to it. He was different from the others. And she wanted them to know he was hers. She wanted to mark him as hers. She wanted him – pure and simple. After taking a shower she just went there and basically attacked him.

And for a moment she believed she would succeed. But he had some control left in his body and mind and pushed her away.

She still regretted it – both things. First - coming to him like that. Second – letting him push her away. She was sure it was just something remaining from the primal thoughts. She was a soldier and knew her place, knew the rules and knew herself. She wouldn't try to get her CO.

The thing was that when it was about him she seemed to be getting lost sometimes. He was a different man since their little talk about her position on the team. They were both learning how to work together as a team, they were learning each other's moves and thoughts. There was something growing between them – trust and friendship above all. And she valued it.

And yet going to a mission after that one was very difficult. It was a very hot planet – suddenly. The MALP had been there for 48 hours and nothing suggested that the climatic conditions would change. Once there and after few hours of walking to some old temple the local sun appeared on the horizon. And the planet changed. A lot. From moderate climate to very very hot.

So instead of trying to discover the temple they needed to find shelter and water, hoping the temperature would drop so they could go back to the Gate. Even Daniel didn't protest. It had been hot on Abydos but in their clothes they were okay. In the BDU they were wearing here they felt like grilled chicken.

Soon they found a cave – but not soon enough and they were all way too hot. So in agreement with one another – except Teal'c who seemed to be just fine – they all undressed as much as they could within reason and being comfortable around each other.

Daniel just seemed to be lost in that cave – he found some markings and suddenly the heat and super high humidity was not a problem for him. Teal'c had to kel'no'reem to survive it so he sat down in a corner and was just fine.

Jack and Sam found themselves sitting by the edge of the cave looking around, watching out for any possible danger. There was no way they could tell when it would get colder again so they knew they just had to sit and wait.

After few jokes came two hours of silence. They were both aware of the proximity of the other. And the lack of clothes. And their memories were like a wild river.

Jack noticed some movement nearby and so he and Carter went out to check the situation. They alerted their teammates. They checked everywhere around the cave and found traces of some animals but nothing else. Hopefully they were okay.

Walking back Sam caught the Colonel staring at her. And there was something about the way he was looking at her... She wasn't sure what it was but she didn't like the uncertainty.

"Sir, what is going on?" She asked him.

"Huh?"

"It's just... you're kind of staring, Sir." She clarified. And the Colonel just closed his eyes feeling like an idiot. He should have been more careful.

"Nothing, just ..." And he couldn't finish, he just waved his hand in the direction from her head to toe and back.

"I know Sir but I would probably die of overheating in the BDU." She said trying to explain herself. She thought they all agreed about the undressing.

They left everything on waist down but waist up the guys were basically naked and she had only her sports bra and tank top. Plus of course their guns and radios. Jack knew he owed her honesty – as he had promised before.

"It's not that, Carter."

"So what?"

"It's... damn how to put it. It's kind of hot you know."

And before she could reply she finally understood his meaning. Her attire was not a problem – and yet it was a problem. And she knew she was in troubles. She knew she had to turn that into a joke but she was at loss for words.

They stood there looking at each other knowing this was wrong but not caring much – blaming the heat of course and not trusting themselves to move at all.

Then there something touched Carter's shoulder and she practically jumped forward. Jack caught her and enjoyed her embarrassment as it was just a lizard falling down from a tree.

Neither moved away.

"And I thought that the sweet little tank top number was your best, Carter." Jack said and felt her heartbeat speed up. Then he let go and left. She caught up and they made their way back to the cave. The sun went down and they all got ready to heady home.

Jack needed another cold shower before he could go to the debriefing. He hoped that they were on good terms with Carter and that it wouldn't change anything. She could grin at his antics, he could make her smile and she could bring him piece and give him unique insight. They were a good team and along with Daniel and Teal'c they were the best. And he knew that.

But after all those dreams he had been having about their locker room incident, he slipped on that planet and admitted to her that he could see she was certainly something else for him. There were no feelings, it was primal, raw, just the urge to have her. He felt the need. And he should probably find a release soon. Elsewhere.

He wish he knew how. He had never been that kind of man.

He knew it all had been triggered by that disease and that it spoke nothing about their true wishes but if he wanted to be honest with himself – she was very attractive and seeing her like that was a huge turn on for him. And it wasn't just because it had been very long for him since the last time... They had chemistry. Damned!

Sam on the other hand felt as embarrassed as never. First the locker room. Then her poor attempt to apologize. And then her slip in the jungle. Could she be blamed? He was one of the few very attractive men on the base and half the female personnel – not that there were that many women there – would die to get their hands on him. And she got to know him better and could easily picture herself falling for him hard and fast.

She had that in herself, he was just the type of man she would chose. But she was a professional and could deny herself these thoughts and wishes. It was nothing for her and it would lead only to troubles. But after what happened she wasn't so sure anymore.

After the debrief they all went their separate ways. So it was a big surprise when he knocked on her lab door.

"Carter, hey, got a minute?" He asked.

"Sure, Sir." She replied.

He went inside and after giving it a second thought he closed the door behind him. Sitting down by her work bench he gave her time to put down whatever she was holding in her hands. Both were rather nervous.

"Sir, I understand if you don't want to work with me anymore." She said suddenly.

"Huh?" He replied confused.

"I mean that my recent behaviour... Sir I swear I don't know where it was coming from." Sam added and Jack could tell she was being honest. She was troubled by all that. As was he.

"No, Sam, I like the team as it is. Can't handle Daniel without you." He told her and it made her smile.

"But..."

"No buts Carter, you know what the doc said. We weren't ourselves. It was just something in our brains. We had no control." He said and could see she wasn't convinced. And he knew why.

"And in that jungle... after what happened we weren't ourselves yet. And we're both adults so..."

"So admitting attraction even though it's off limits is okay?" She said full of doubt.

"It's not okay. But... look, Sam, I am sorry." He said and was very pleased to see her being surprised. And he needed to continue. "I shouldn't have said what I said. It won't happen again."

And after a few heartbeats she nodded knowing well what he was doing. And then after he smiled and things seemed to be okay between them she gathered up all her courage.

"So you didn't mean it?" And her tone was playful so he played along happy they were back. He walked around the work bench and stopped just behind her so he had to lean a bit closer – it seemed like he was just watching something over her shoulder.

"Oh no, I meant every single word. I just shouldn't have said it." He clarified. And left. And missed yet another bemused smile of hers.

* * *

 **A/N** – haha see a little sequel here?

Anyway, I thought that after these two episodes they had a lot to talk about and just wasn't sure how to or perhaps weren't comfortable around each other yet to have this kind of talk. Their friendship had to start slowly, it wouldn't appear just out of the blue. And as we know it grew and grew. The change during season 1 was huge. But it had to happen step by step. They clearly weren't in love back then but both could sense that there was something there between them, just didn't know what.

One more chapter to go – the actual talk. Will be up next week as I am leaving to my parents' tomorrow to celebrate their 30th wedding anniversary.


	4. Not the talking type

Jack wasn't sure how much time had passed since his arrival but his butt was sore and he was hungry. He must have dozed off or something because suddenly Carter was standing in front of him with questioning look on her face. She had her helmet in hand, dressed in oh-not-so BDU.

"Sir?"

"Hey, Carter..."

"Is something wrong?" She asked worriedly. Jack just got up and looked at her. So riding her bike it was. He was not one of those agreeing with this type of fun but he could understand why she loved it and why she probably needed it right now. He had been there in her shoes a long time ago. In his case it wasn't bike that saved him – it was another mission. But – the adrenalin rush and need of clear head was the same.

"Nah, it's team night, right?" He asked and noticed she was lost at words.

"Damn, I am early, huh? I knew I didn't remember the time correctly." He added and waited for her to catch up. It didn't take long.

"It happens, Sir, don't worry. Do you want to come in?"

"That would be nice, Carter, thanks." He replied and waited for her to open her door to let him in.

"Just make yourself comfortable, Sir, I need to take a shower and change." She told him and without waiting for his answer she left.

It took him a moment to collect himself. There he had another image to add into his "Carter collection". Carter in her dress blues. Carter in her dark blue jeans. Carter in that blue dress. Carter in her emerald turtleneck woollen dress. Carter in her little tank top. And now Carter in her what seemed to be leather pants made for motorcycle riding. And what an image it was.

He knew it was wrong on so many levels that he should probably be ashamed of himself. But he was just a man. And he could appreciate a beautiful woman – true – the woman being his 2IC was making things complicated and awkward but it was innocent.

And yet he could understand her better and better – and how she had to fight this image. How she had to fight such presumptions – that she was nothing but young hot blonde.

Jack stood alone in her living room, noticing how little this place resembled home. He knew the house was hers, they talked about that before, but it seemed she barely lived there. Which in her case made perfect sense. But still he would assume she'd have more personal items around, photos, souvenirs, something, anything... This didn't seem right.

He wanted to sit down but couldn't make himself to do it. He was actually nervous. What was he doing there anyway?

Sam was nervous too. She didn't know why would he come to see her. Clearly he wanted something or he wanted to talk or to tell her something – using the team night story as an excuse should anyone see him going to her place alone on the day of her personal leave.

Those weeks spent together on other planets and on the base made them see each other differently on the team. They were four different elements creating a perfectly balanced team. They were friends already probably. Still guarding personal lives and issues but well... they all had their secrets, their dark corners and skeletons hidden in the closet. It was too early to uncover those.

She took a shower and changed into something comfortable.

Sam found her CO pacing around her living room nervously. She didn't know what to think let alone what to say.

The Colonel looked at her and saw her standing there. She was suddenly so young and yet she seemed so serious and there was something about her making him feel like he could achieve anything.

"So, bike huh?" He asked her.

"Yes, Sir." She replied. "Helps me to calm down and clear my head."

And then there came silence. Again. And it took them both a very long time to understand neither wanted to start the conversation and yet – they both knew one would have to speak up eventually.

"So, are you going to tell me why did you come here, Sir?" She asked. "And noticing the lack of beer in your hands I'd say it was not for a team night." She added and he chuckled involuntarily. She had that ability to make him smile in the most inappropriate situations.

"Will you buy the I was just passing by line?"

"Nope." She replied.

"Yeah I thought so..." He said. "I just..."

"What, Sir?"

"You know, I am not even sure why exactly I am here." He told her honestly.

"Then maybe you should leave, Sir." She offered him the excuse to make his leave.

"Do you want me to leave?"

"Do you want to leave, Sir?" She asked back and was getting annoyed. And he could tell from her tone.

"Look, Sam, I am sorry. I just... I just wanted to see how you were doing." He said and she could tell it was the truth. When he didn't want to hide his emotions and thoughts she was beginning to understand how to read those in his eyes and his face. Yet she knew there was more to it.

"I am fine, Sir." She told him. And hoped he would say okay and leave her alone.

"Sam..." He said and there was a little warning there.

"Sir, if there is something you want to say or ask, just do it. If not, you know the way out." She said and he nodded. He owed her that much.

"After the last mission... I just thought you might need someone to talk to." He finally admitted.

"Why would you think so?"

"Because someone you were close to died." He told her bluntly.

She didn't reply. She went to the kitchen and made some tea. No words were said in the meantime. When she returned to the living room he was waiting for her. Getting up from the couch to take one of the cups from her he met her halfway.

It took her some more time to gather her thoughts.

"I failed you." She told him. One of her worst fears coming to life.

"What?" He was confused.

"I should have taken the shot, Sir." And her tone was full of guilt. It took Jack a moment to understand.

"Sam, no."

"Yes."

"No, listen to me." He said and stopped right in front of her so he could look into her eyes. "You did the right thing. It would be wrong to kill him in cold blood. Pulling the trigger back then would make you nothing but a killer. And that's something you're not. And I hope you will never be." He told her.

"Then why do I feel like crap, Sir?" She asked. And before he could answer she continued. "He had his gun pointed at you. And I could have stopped it. All of it. And I didn't."

"It was personal for you."

"Yes, it was."

"Sam, that's understandable."

"No, you don't understand..." She shook her head.

"You think I don't?" He asked little shocked.

"Sir, it was personal but not the way you think." She tried to explain.

"Sam..."

"I wanted to do it, Sir. I wanted to pull the trigger. I wanted to kill him because he was pointing his gun at you." And she put emphasis on the last part. "I hesitated and began to think too much... but the first instinct was to kill him. What does that say about me?" She asked and her voice trembled.

Jack wasn't sure how to approach this. When he thought about coming to her place to talk to her this was not what he had imagined. Frankly the first picture he had on his mind was Carter on her couch eating ice-cream or sipping hot cocoa and watching some sad romance. This was not what he expected. It caught him off guard.

He knew there was more than just one way how to handle this but he had to be careful. Especially because he was alone in her house with her and the base was still full of rumours and assumptions after the locker room incident.

He needed to do this right.

"Sam, it says your first instinct is to protect your team." Jack told her softly, offering her another angle. And she began to think about it from it.

"It wasn't easy as you knew Hanson..." He said but was surprised by the strong reaction she had.

"On the contrary, Sir." She told him sharply. "Because I knew him it should have been easy to pull the trigger. He was not a good man." Sam said and finally walked away from him. He missed her presence in his personal space immediately.

"That's the reason you called off the wedding?" He asked carefully. And Sam suddenly needed to come out clean and tell him the truth.

"I was very young when I met him. I thought I loved him but it wasn't love... After few months I agreed to marry him. And then it all started." Sam stopped and looked at him with her sad eyes. Only a few people knew this story. Jack waited for her to continue. He had a good idea about where this was going though. He didn't like it one bit.

"At first it was nothing, reprimands, insults, you know, the usual. I didn't want to argue so I did all I could to please him. Soon it was never enough. And... then came the first slap, first bruise, first cut lip..." And before she could continue she heard him say "Oh God, Sam..." And so she looked at him, straight into his eyes. What she found there made her eyes fill with unshed tears.

"One thing led to another..." She tried to continue... Jack got up and walked to her. He wanted to comfort her, to hug her, he wanted to do something, anything. And yet he knew he couldn't. It was not his place. He wished otherwise though. They stood there for a few moments and then it all clicked in his head.

"So because of this Hanson guy you train so hard at hand-to-hand combat."Jack said softly and almost missed the tiny nod of her head. "Sam..."

"I promised myself I would never get into that position again. I never wanted to be that vulnerable again."

"And then I make you wear uncomfortable dress and fight for your life... You weren't proving yourself to me." He noted.

"No, Sir. Only partially." She confirmed.

"Carter..."

"Me being on your team means I am better person. It means I am stronger. I am not that naive girl anymore. I thought it was all behind me."

"And then your ex plays a God." Jack added.

"Well when I met him in the hallways he seemed different. At first. Said hi and left, nothing unusual... but then I heard his men talking in the locker room."

"About you?

"Yes, and about you. And the locker room incident."

"And you were back in square one, huh... " Jack finally understood everything. And he felt sorry for her. He was also proud. And angry at those bastards.

"But they did have a valid point, Sir. That perhaps we were indeed getting too close." And he waited if she would add something like "all four of us" but she didn't.

"And they're right. We're getting close."

"Sir, I would be honoured to be called your friend, I just don't really know how to juggle everything together. I have never been in this situation before."

"You never had friends among colleagues?"

"I never had CO that would want to be my friend." She clarified and he understood. Yet again it was about her being woman and the military not being so friendly to those – no matter what the big bosses said.

"Sam... What can I do?" He asked. He didn't want to lose her as his friend – something he started to really appreciate recently. But he wouldn't do anything that would damage her reputation. It surprised him that he could care this much. And it scared him as well.

"Sir, drew the line. Set the borders. I will follow." She suggested and he nodded.

"I can try, Carter."

"That's all I'm asking, Sir." She said softly and he allowed himself the luxury of looking into the depths of her blue eyes. She was honest with him. And he knew she indeed could become one of his closest friends. She could understand him on levels where he barely understood himself.

So he had been right all those long weeks ago when he realized that having Sam Carter close would bring him pain. He would have to prepare himself. But he was not willing to lose her. He barely knew her and yet the bond he could feel was very strong. It was rare for him.

And so he was scared. And he knew that right now he had to be the man to set the example. And not just for the two of them – or the four of them. He knew that how they would act around each other – military or not – would set the example for other teams as well. Because his team was not the only one with a scientist and civilian.

"Sir?" She asked and took him out of his deep thoughts.

"Yeah?"

"I just need to know..."

"What?"

"After all that... do you still trust me to have your back?" And she hated herself for feeling that worried and sounding that lost.

"And do you trust me to have yours?" He asked back. And was really worried about her reaction.

"Yes, Sir." She replied with a smile that finally reached her eyes.

"Good." He said and she nodded. He smiled back at her and felt the tension leaving his body. They would be okay.

The comfortable silence that followed was interrupted by her doorbell. She looked curious when she went to open the door.

"Daniel? Teal'c?"

"Hey, Sam." Jack heard his friend's voice so he came to the door as well.

Daniel noticed him and slowly a big smile appeared on his face. So they talked. And they were okay.

"Tem night?" Daniel asked and showed them four boxes of pizza. Teal'c just quirked his eyebrow at them. Sam stepped aside to let them in. She was surprised to see Teal'c there but she guessed the General gave him permission to leave the base for this occasion. She was grateful for it.

"See, Sir? They at least brought pizza!" Sam told Jack as she was watching him go to her living room with their friends.

Daniel laughed and in a minute Jack was grabbing his keys – he had beer to buy. Daniel was helping Sam in the kitchen while Teal'c just found a comfortable spot in the living room. They indeed brought pizza and a movie to watch.

The last thing Jack heard before closing the door behind him was Daniel's "yeah, and they say he's not the talking type". And he could only grin at that. He was sure Sam wouldn't share details of their conversation with Daniel. But he obviously asked her and she probably answered with three or four words and a smile.

He was beginning to love his team indeed.

It was late at night when Daniel and Teal'c left for the base. Jack was right behind them. He just stopped at Carter's doorstep and turned back to face her.

"Are we okay, Carter?" He asked and seriously needed to hear her answer.

She noticed that he could say her name in so many ways that it would take her a lot of time to sort it out. Right now he was not her CO but her friend. And that's what she needed right then. They were on the same wave after all.

"Yes, Sir, we are." She said and smiled back at him. And wondered if he could decipher her "Sir" as well. He nodded at her with smile tugging at the corner of his lips. Oh yeah, he was about to.

They were okay indeed.

* * *

A/N sorry for the delay, my daughters were ill so those few hours they were both asleep I used to get some sleep as well... writing had to wait.


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